I joke with people that when I came to Prescott, I came to help the people of Prescott heal. What has happened the last 13 years has been that Prescott has healed me.
The healing that has happened here for me has been on all the different realms, physical, emotional, and spiritual. The healers and teachers I have met and the healing modalities learned have been life changing. The land around Prescott is soothing to my soul. The community has given space to surrender has helped me to return to an intimate relationship with the Sacred. When we found out that Liam would need extra support I knew that we would be okay because of all the experiences of healing that have taken place here.
I have learned to be patient with healing, something that may have been earlier 'healed' may present again. This presentation isn't because that condition isn't healed, there may be a deeper healing that needs to take place. This last week, I had this experience. I met a man who does healing work and during the intake he asked, 'Have you ever been knocked unconscious?' I love intake forms, there is so much information that can be gathered from them, and I also know that conversation can unearth even more! Inevitably a person will forget a monumental event while filling out the form BUT in a conversation there will be an, 'Oh yeah! This one time...'
So, Oh yeah! This one time when I was 5 I was at a Zuni festival and a bunch of kids were playing up on the pueblo roof, as I watched, my feet moved backwards and I walked backwards off the roof! All I remember from my boots slipping off the roof is being carried back to the pueblo by one of the family members, I must have been knocked unconscious when I landed, thankfully on packed sand. I didn't have any broken bones (though no x-rays were taken), I could breathe, walk, no bumps. I do remember being uncomfortable riding back to our home but not much after that, I was 'fine'. I completely forget to put this on intake forms because it wasn't a car accident, I don't have any lasting scars, and I have been 'fine' since.
One of the first Bowenwork classes I took was in a Mind Body Bowen class, this work is geared to unravel trauma in the body. While receiving from a practice buddy, I had this sensation of an air vent blowing cold air on my back from my tailbone to my head. That part of my body was freezing, my partner put a blanket on me and I was still cold so we knew what was happening was an inside job. Once again, this memory of walking off the roof came flooding back.
During this most recent healing session, I wanted so badly to go into a healing trance and surrender my body to the work. I wanted to have healing visions and energetic unwindings. What I received was being in my body, unwinding this seized memory, bringing life back into muscles that have kept me upright by shear determination and rigidity, feeling the pain of being hurt all those years back, the fear that the world is unsafe. I have been running on a thought from a 5 year old, 'I would never be fully safe unless I knew exactly where I was, where I was going, and who was around me.' Finally I received the message I was safe and would be safe, I could relax into life. As I write this, I am ready to brush this experience off, this isn't that exciting, and yet, this is the most profound unwinding I have participated in. I feel as if that 5 year old Becky finally knows that the world is safe, she can relax, she can return to wholeness.
The experience of walking off the roof, having my body react the way it did, the process I have lived since then has all helped me to support others. In sessions, clients are approached from this place of seeking safety, wanting them to feel safe, making sure they can relax into their bodies, relax into whatever healing work we are participating in. I feel that I can embrace this lesson and let my body heal. In these moments, I get excited, this is what I want to do when I grow up! This is what I do as a grown up!
Adding Liam to the mix of all of this has been such a joy and challenge as well. I love being able to play with him with all the healing modalities and know that he is receiving all this support. What is so hard is that we have had to hand him over to surgeons 3 times now, we have put him in situations to feel pain. Last night we were changing the gauze around his G-tube and the tape had stuck to his belly, so pulling the tape off made him cry. How can we teach our child not to hurt people if we are hurting him on a regular basis!?! I do have faith that we will be able to teach him, and maybe, just maybe this is part of his training for what he wants to do when he grows up, just like the need for safety was part of my training.
The healing that has happened here for me has been on all the different realms, physical, emotional, and spiritual. The healers and teachers I have met and the healing modalities learned have been life changing. The land around Prescott is soothing to my soul. The community has given space to surrender has helped me to return to an intimate relationship with the Sacred. When we found out that Liam would need extra support I knew that we would be okay because of all the experiences of healing that have taken place here.
I have learned to be patient with healing, something that may have been earlier 'healed' may present again. This presentation isn't because that condition isn't healed, there may be a deeper healing that needs to take place. This last week, I had this experience. I met a man who does healing work and during the intake he asked, 'Have you ever been knocked unconscious?' I love intake forms, there is so much information that can be gathered from them, and I also know that conversation can unearth even more! Inevitably a person will forget a monumental event while filling out the form BUT in a conversation there will be an, 'Oh yeah! This one time...'
So, Oh yeah! This one time when I was 5 I was at a Zuni festival and a bunch of kids were playing up on the pueblo roof, as I watched, my feet moved backwards and I walked backwards off the roof! All I remember from my boots slipping off the roof is being carried back to the pueblo by one of the family members, I must have been knocked unconscious when I landed, thankfully on packed sand. I didn't have any broken bones (though no x-rays were taken), I could breathe, walk, no bumps. I do remember being uncomfortable riding back to our home but not much after that, I was 'fine'. I completely forget to put this on intake forms because it wasn't a car accident, I don't have any lasting scars, and I have been 'fine' since.
During this most recent healing session, I wanted so badly to go into a healing trance and surrender my body to the work. I wanted to have healing visions and energetic unwindings. What I received was being in my body, unwinding this seized memory, bringing life back into muscles that have kept me upright by shear determination and rigidity, feeling the pain of being hurt all those years back, the fear that the world is unsafe. I have been running on a thought from a 5 year old, 'I would never be fully safe unless I knew exactly where I was, where I was going, and who was around me.' Finally I received the message I was safe and would be safe, I could relax into life. As I write this, I am ready to brush this experience off, this isn't that exciting, and yet, this is the most profound unwinding I have participated in. I feel as if that 5 year old Becky finally knows that the world is safe, she can relax, she can return to wholeness.
The experience of walking off the roof, having my body react the way it did, the process I have lived since then has all helped me to support others. In sessions, clients are approached from this place of seeking safety, wanting them to feel safe, making sure they can relax into their bodies, relax into whatever healing work we are participating in. I feel that I can embrace this lesson and let my body heal. In these moments, I get excited, this is what I want to do when I grow up! This is what I do as a grown up!
Adding Liam to the mix of all of this has been such a joy and challenge as well. I love being able to play with him with all the healing modalities and know that he is receiving all this support. What is so hard is that we have had to hand him over to surgeons 3 times now, we have put him in situations to feel pain. Last night we were changing the gauze around his G-tube and the tape had stuck to his belly, so pulling the tape off made him cry. How can we teach our child not to hurt people if we are hurting him on a regular basis!?! I do have faith that we will be able to teach him, and maybe, just maybe this is part of his training for what he wants to do when he grows up, just like the need for safety was part of my training.
That was an awesome read Becky, wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy!
ReplyDelete