Liam Odin

So one of the reasons that my life has changed is Liam Odin came into this world and I get to be his mom.  Liam was born in September of 2015, so really my life has been a little wacky since 2014.  Liam is a complete joy to be around and has brought so much to my attention about so many different topics.  Here is a little insight into Liam's entry into this world.  
I was probably in labor for a while before I really realized I was in labor, but the tattle tale signs came the morning of September 13th.  I had enough mama stories and had read enough to know that there could be a wait before things really got interesting so Sean and I went to my favorite summertime Courthouse Square event, The Empty Bowl.  This event raises money for the Yavapai Food bank and combines two fun things for me, art and food.  The empty bowl is artwork, some functional, some not and then there is soup from multiple restaurants to fill the empty bowl.  Sean was a great sport and trusted that if I needed to go home I would let him know.  I was timing the contractions, they didn't feel to bad and I didn't want to miss this event, so I would go and walk when a contraction felt a little tighter.  
My mid-wife's assistant was in town and could meet me at the office to check out how I was doing.  She couldn't really get a clear indication so we all went our separate ways.  By the time I got home I knew I needed to just make sure I was well fed, well hydrated, and staying as present as possible.  About 7pm I knew things were shifting and called the mid-wife who suggested a hot bath and an early bedtime, I could do that, well, at least the bath.  By midnight the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and I knew it was time to call for help.  The mid-wife's assistant came in, and went to find Baby's heart beat, every contraction his heartbeat would drop severely.  Everything that I had hoped for changed.  I got a ride in an ambulance to the nearest hospital, dealt with the staff's fears and judgments about my choices, was made the butt of a couple of jokes, rushed into emergency cesarean, my husband was given a misdiagnosis of our child's mental health, but at the sound of this sweet child's cry, all of the anxiety melted away. Liam Odin arrived and was now blessing our family with his tiny little being.

As I was being stitched back together, Sean got the news that Liam had 'soft signs' for having Down Syndrome.  Both Sean and I were in shock and yet there was a sense that if Liam had Down Syndrome then we would play with that, there wasn't a fear of the news.  The fear was in the misdiagnosis from the surgeon pre-op, Sean was told that our child probably had brain damage.  
That news was harder to take because as Liam's little body struggled to recover from the birthing process and acclimate to our world, we struggled with the thought of letting him die being poked and prodded or take him home to die, where we could love him back to the Earth.  

Each time a doctor came in to tell us something else was 'wrong' we would drop deeper into this struggle.  I think the only thing keeping us in the hospital was that I had just had surgery and couldn't move!  That night Liam was taken out of the room to a higher level of care, a nurse came in and gave me strength.  She gave me purpose and she gently cheered me on, this was the first time since Liam was born that I felt so supported by someone at the hospital.  The nurse woke me up every three hours to pump and would spend about the same amount of time tapping the little bit of milk into a syringe for Liam as I did pumping to produce it and each time she would tell me those drops of gold were going to help him get stronger.  What a gift to give to a scared new mom!
The next morning the doctor and nurse practitioner came in to let us know that Liam's health had surpassed what the hospital could handle.  He would need to be helicoptered to Phoenix.  Sean and I again revisited the thought, were we prolonging the inevitable having Liam be poked and prodded to his death?  Would taking him home now and letting him die in our home peacefully be better?  Sean and I went into where Liam was resting, unsure if we were saying 'good-bye' or 'see you soon'.  I prayed to be guided as to what to do.  When I put my finger next to his hand, he grabbed it and I knew.  I knew this little being was going to be around awhile and sending him to Phoenix was the best thing we could do.  
Sending him to Phoenix WAS the BEST thing we did!  Liam does not have brain damage, he does have Trisomy 21, a form of Down Syndrome, he needed a lot of TLC that first week of his life and thank goodness he was in the perfect place for his healing.  A heart condition was discovered, which made a lot of sense to why his heart rate would drop each contraction, why he was so small, and some of the 'mysterious symptoms' he kept having in Prescott.  

In that first week, Sean and I were invited to delve into the depths of our beliefs and explore any resistance we came up against, the many fears we had, and the ultimate question- "Did we believe that there was some greater Source that could give us strength to get through each day in the hospital and for the rest of our lives?"  Thank goodness for family members, friends, and mentors who walked us through that first week, there was a lot of anger, sadness, fear, exhaustion, and uncertainty.   Sean and I joke that we were baptized by fire into parenthood.  If we have more children we know we can handle the curve balls and the mysteries!